2 - First Things First

Let’s face it – we are living in a world full of unanticipated changes. We encounter different things as each day goes by. From dreams when we were very young to the things we are expected to do today, it only shows that we are individuals of change. But, why do we change? Have you ever wondered how a joyful, positive person suddenly turns into a creature of grief and pain? How does three hours of traffic from school to home changes one’s mood? How do we become so religious and prayerful when we face major life complications? How? Why?

In some point, most of us will absolutely answer that our priorities change due to numerous life circumstances that we face in our daily lives, but that answer does not suit my longing for the answer to this question. The idea still clings, like how most of us wondered to what has happened before. I badly need answers but I’m stuck in this emptiness.

“How does one become so happy then become sad after an hour or two? Why do we change our feelings for a person whom we have loved for long already when we meet somebody along the way? Why do we feel that our lives become so worthless when we lose somebody over death? Why do we need to move on if we have had been happy treasuring every moment from the past? Why it is not easy to forgive and be forgiven? How do we forget something we had grown so much with?”

These are some of the questions I want to know but don’t know where to find the answers. If I will be given any chance to talk to someone who can give the answers, I will definitely not hesitate to ask these questions. But more than the answers, I feel tougher today as compared before because of the whole lot of things I learned, especially on priorities in life.

I have grown as a person, and I realized that I have been tired of waiting for people. If you’ve had known me well, then you would know that I am one of the most patient – if not the most patient – person ever. You could make me wait for hours and I wouldn’t be mad at you. It came into a point, when I finally realized nobody deserves to wait for something without knowing what will happen next; that I don’t deserve waiting on someone to prioritize me.

If a person does not feel your absence, then your existence is and will never be appreciated. It really takes a lot of courage to take these things all up but that is the reality – we can never be everybody’s priority. I’ve learnt to accept that in spite of being good to most people around you, they wouldn’t mind leaving you at all, most especially if you have done them wrong, even just for once. We can never please everybody. This point contributes to the changing of main concerns in this life. The exact best thing that we could do about is to take that few people would stay with us and a lot would go the other way around. That is the cruel but honest fact about living in a world full of priorities.

WE cannot give something that we didn’t really have in the first place.

WE can never pretend to be happy.

WE can stop if we are tired.

WE should not stop aiming.

WE should work our way to the top.

WE can never be the same person few years back.

WE can never be someone else to replace the absence of others.

WE can get hurt if we want to.

WE can get sad, too.

But most of all,

WE can be a priority, too – one day, one way or another, we will be.

1 - An Encounter

Living in a world having different people with different views and perceptions, I wonder how someone can assume anything about anyone without first getting to know that person. All of us are different, from personality to interests and character to goals. Getting to know someone is not easy, but the best way to cope up with it is through conversation. When talking is not an option, writing can be a good substitute. But writing something that makes a person stand out from the rest would be impossible. A writer will end up finding himself tangled in voiceless bewilderment, incapable of finding accurate words to describe that indefinable something. One can only touch on wide topics and hit few keynotes, which is why for me, describing myself in limited words seems so complicated and not that easy.

Anyways, this is how it was...

Growing up, people would always joke about how much of a tough boy I was. They would always call me by my father’s name, saying that I had his face and his attitude. I would always find a way to defend myself. Of course, I’m not saying I’ve always been the better person at all times. I’ve had ‘my bad’ moments here and there, like everyone else. But recently, I’ve been asking myself, “What would my parents do?” in hopes that it would lead me to the mature path in whatever condition I find myself in. The reason behind this is because my parents are two of the nicest persons I know. No matter how many times they have been shunted to the ground, they still manage to get right back to their feet with a brighter smile. They always tell me that at the end of every problem is solution. We fight a lot, to tell you the truth, but I wouldn’t have asked for better parents to guide Ate Mona, Kuya Evan and I through the years.

Music lifts my spirit. I often spend my leisure time listening to music, particularly to alternative rock music. For me, a day without listening to any song in my playlist is a day wasted. It had been for part me ever since. One way it influences my life is that it helps me to process every emotion. It's a way of acknowledging what I'm going through and even identifying the pattern of events that led up to feeling a certain feeling. Alternative songs I listen to, which suit my ever-changing mood, have its perfect meaning like it was made only for me. In this sense, this genre of music is a way of tuning into and making sense of my emotional life. No matter what’s going on, for about four minutes, in my head I am captured, tangled in the words, melody, beat, and course of the song I am listening to.

When it comes at first impression, people find me very laid back. I won’t talk as long as I can help it. I know in myself I am different with being shy. It is just that I am quiet and chill, and nothing else. Being silent, at some points, is where I find my inner peace. I feel it makes me more inclined to listen and calmly rationalize my thoughts and opinions, before I say something. I consider that having this personality makes me treasure my friends more. It is not easy to open up for new set of people every time, which is why I’d rather strengthen my grip on them. If you will ask my friends how our relationship came to be, they will all answer you the same way: It just happened. We clicked together. We have realized that each of us is willing to put an effort into a friendship that we’ve considered worth it. That’s it. Nothing more, nothing less. And so, it works. Here, I could say that sometimes, the best things in life happen without one’s notice. Nobody asked anybody if they could be friends, because if any other person in my circle of friends, including me, said yes, there wouldn’t be a common ground for us to stand on. Even though there is no perfect friendship, where misunderstandings are inevitable, we make sure that at the end of the day, our relationship is much stronger than ever before. Plus, I guess every person who keeps their friends wants to look back one day and say, “Hey guys, the story of how we became friends is really awesome, isn't it?”

Learning a lot of experiences from many facets of life until now made the most out of me. Since I’m still young and have few life experiences, I know that there are countless rooms of opportunities I am going to encounter. Each one waits for me and entering in one may bring delight, hope, sorrow, disappointment and many more. But in the end, I’m sure that each choice I will make will bring a lesson that will build my personality and perceptions, which I can use in more established decision making in life.